Ten Best Pranks to Play on Your Roommate (ITHP)

Ten Best Pranks to Play on Your Asshole Roommate/Person Who Owes You Money!
Everybody knows that the problem with April Fools’ day is that it only happens once a year, and usually we are too hungover to actually do anything funny. I think that the date should have nothing to do with getting schadenfreudic revenge on those endearing a holes that we know. To jump start your imaginations, here is a little list of ideas to help out:

10. Piss In the Washing MachineAfter they run a load of laundry but before they stick it in the drier, take a fat leak in their newly freshened clothes. If you eat plenty of asparagus before hand, the smell of baked wee should permeate their closes for quite some time! This is even better if they are running late for work or a date, so they have to wear the clothes anyway!

9. Remove Their Vehicle Registration TagsThis one could take some time to mature, but it is easy as pie! Just take an exacto knife to their tags, and pull them off! Sooner or later, a cop will be asking questions about why their registration has expired, and if you are lucky this will coincide with some other illegal activity! Protip: if you want to save some money, consider transferring them to your vehicle.

8. Unplug Their RefrigeratorYou’ve got to plan for this one by making sure you don’t have any perishable food in there at the time. After a couple of days, they will start to wonder why their milk smells like Yeti dick, and if you are lucky they will discover the taste before they smell the smell!

7. Use Their Email, Phone Number, and Address on Online FormsThis one is easy. Just go online to websites of “ill repute” and enter their contact information! Watch with glee as their email inbox gets spammed, telemarketing calls eat up their cellphone minutes get eaten up with robo calls and their mailbox gets filled up ads. Preferably, you should do this on sites that promote “unconventional sexuality” — the looks from neighbors at the big girls’ choice edible underwear catalog or neighborhood furry association fliers they get should be priceless.

6. Goatse Their Email ContactsNext time they forget to sign out of their email, select all their contacts and email out a good old fashioned Goatse. If they don’t sign out of facebook, set it as their profile picture. Chances are someone out there hasn’t seen it before, and would be sure to think this was intentional! Either way, people will be pissed, and if you get it in the facebook, there is a very high chance their account will be banned!

5. Implant their Computer Chair With Neodynium Magnets Next time they sit down, their credit card and cell phone will get a taste of Justice!

4. Get them a Surprise Ku Klux Klan MembershipThis one costs a bit of money, but the laughs will be more than worth it! Imagine their shock as they show up on Klan mailing lists, get Klan phone calls, and discover that they can never hold a government job because they are on the rolls of a terrorist organization! Make sure that, in their name naturally, you submit a list of their family’s contact info to the White Nights in hopes of a phone call from their folks asking why they recommended them to join! Either way, it should make for plenty of laughs at the next Thanksgiving when their grandparents voice some unexpected support!

3. Report them to Homeland SecurityThis one should be completely obvious. Use their computer to view a lot of .sa domain names, print out some propaganda which you hide in a place that only a warrant-less search would discover, and bag up some white powder, labeling it “THRAX,” which you leave in the same place. If you know someone with a lot of nitrate fertilizer, put that in their residence or car as well (this one is a bit bulky, and likely to be discovered, ruining all the fun). Then place an “anonymous tip” from a public phone and watch freedom ring!

2. Liberal Troll freerepublic.com in Their Name This one is sort of linked to 7 but will have much more hilarious results. Imagine their Shock and Awe when Bubba’s lifted F350 shows up in their driveway and he gives them healthy dose of the Second Amendment!

1. Chris Hansen Is there anything more hilarious than seeing that asshole on NBC’s hit To Catch a Predator? I think not. Hack into his AIM and predate on suspect chat rooms. Then tell him that you “set him up on a blind date” with a chick who is “totally smoking and completely 18.” Never mind the fact that you are telling the truth (those chicks are all 18), Chris Hansen justice doesn’t care! And who will believe him when he says the logged chats aren’t his! Not the viewer, my gentle friends, not the viewer.

I would love to hear your thoughts on wondrous jokes to pull on the people you hate. Please feel free to leave them in the comments section below!

The International Human Press does not promote or condone illegal activity or violence except against Illinois Nazis.

This article is for entertainment purposes only

About Jared Fiel
Daniel is a humor columnist (as well as a former reporter, former gas station attendant, former fast food worker and current public relations flack).
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