Jared Fiel: Humor Columnist

  •  It`s my party and I`ll cry if I want to - la la, la la la. Okay, so I don`t know the words to the song but I do know bringing a dog or cat to a party needs to be approved first by the party host. Double check the front of the party invitation, who was it addressed to? Did it include your pets name? If not, then a friendly chat with the host should be done before bringing your animal. It can be an easy oversight, even if the party invitation was imprinted, to forget inviting a pet. So...
  •  In my memory it was just another day, like any other in Florida during the late summer. Heat blazed from the sun soon after it suddenly popped out of the water and took command of the sky with its presence. I was four and a half years old and had eleven brothers, being the only girl I had tried to hold my own amongst the boys. To do this was no easy task as they were into everything. Some of the older ones would go out with Dad fishing. The younger ones were normally left to mom. Mom had a...
  •  All seventeen-year-olds know everything. Just ask them. I had two weeks to learn a twelve page pamphlet on the rules of driving and I actually tried to learn them. Some of the instructions I didn`t really understand but I was reluctant to ask for help. Of course I thought that the driving test rated higher in importance over the written test, so I bugged my Dad to take me out on the road for a lesson. Dad was a real Nazi when it came to following instructions and though he didn`t curse, th...
  •  Have you ever got up and planned an important day only to find your hair will not cooperate at all? It just looks like crap? There is nothing you can do and everything you try makes it worse. So you just start all over and try it again? Still the same problem and the you look at the clock and say “oh well” I give up there is just nothing I can do, screw it. Yet in your mind you are worried because you do not look your best?Perhaps hair number 1823 is slightly out of place and it is jus...
  •  Face it, potty humor and bathroom jokes make us all laugh becausethey poke fun at embarrassing experiences that all can appreciate.Everybody has glanced down with dismay into their undies at one point or another, only to be confronted with "the mark". As disgusting as it is, there`s not a person on the planet who doesn`t know what I`m talking about.Case in point, all through history, the greatest literary minds have woven this concept into their works:"God Save the Mark!" -- William Shakes...
  • The Restaurant Drive-ThroughA Uniquely American CreationBy Gil StonebargerOnly in a country as unique as America, could you find something so revolutionary, so life changing, so uniquely original as the “ drive through”. The idea originated with the traditional “drive –in” restaurant.You remember those, A&W, Big Boys, Sonics and the like? As America’s love affair with the car has grown, so has the proliferation of the drive through. The concept expanded to drugstores, liquor stores a...
  •  It can now be revealed.They’re taking over the world. They’re living and working among us.The aliens of the Tranisiuc.This is no drill. This is the real McCoy. I’m telling the world in the hope we can do something before it’s too late.I saw this guy at the automatic outside bank teller tearing up his receipt into a hundred pieces. That’s how it started. I was suspicious. So I retrieved some of the pieces.It was in code.Written on the paper were the letters L R L R L R L R L R L R...
  •  Let’s face it reincarnation is a very interesting concept indeed. I was recently talking with a gentleman about how Re-incarnation is an interesting belief and he explained the Hindus belief and how everything works and what happens to us when we die. Another gentleman who was listening to our conversation at the coffee shop kept making faces as he listened to our talk. After the Hindu Scholar left he said to me;“Indeed and I suppose some one who is the creator, protector and the destr...
  •  Christmas Carols and Holiday Songs tend to exclude, marginalize and insult. Henceforth these songs will be re-written with new titles to avoid any real, imagined or perceived offense.The word Christmas is exclusive to Christians and must be removed. Since it cannot be replaced with the word "holiday" (Holy Day) we will replace it with the innocuous phrase, "day off.""We Wish You a Merry Christmas""We Wish You a Merry Non-Religious-Specific Day-Off in Winter."Noel is another word for Christ...
  •  Well, recently I have gotten in with the really hip crowd and they are so cool. The first thing that happened is they gave me a nick-name; Dog. They say “Hey Dog What’s Up?” Then that is my cue to say; “Nutten, whaaaaz up wit u?” Pretty cool isn’t it. Now my old friends at the golf course do not understand how cool this is. And they have kicked me off the board at the corporation for this type of slang talk. At work they now sensor my emails, but all in all I am pretty happy w...
About Jared Fiel
Daniel is a humor columnist (as well as a former reporter, former gas station attendant, former fast food worker and current public relations flack).
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