Jared Fiel: Humor Columnist

  • Many Americans are concerned about the amount of money we are spending on the Iraqi war. So I developed a financial strategy to fund this conflict. I call it “shock and awe economics. At the heart of my economic theory is product placement. Product Placement is a time tested and growing strategy of advertising Yes, just as simple as that. Every time a hot thirsty solider takes a big swallow out of a can of coke looks into the camera and says, “This coke is just what I needed after a ...
  • One day there was three men.One of them was gay and the rest were sexi.They went to a hotel to stay.The gay man sez "is there a room for free" the owner sez "no rooms exept for a haunted 1""ok well have that 1"said gay man (gives money)"room11" then the three men go to the room 11 then the sexy man1 sez "i need a pee"so he goes to the toilet and he seez a ghost.The ghost sez "i walk trough walls,i have no balls im gonna get you im gunna get you" so the sexyman1 comites suiside out the window.The...
  • Me and a group of friends were working at a conssesion stand. There were a lot of people so we where in a hurry.A guy ordered a hot dog and my friend accedentley said would you like some condems on your wiener ...
  • So I was on my way out of town for a meeting. I had to be there at 8:00 am and it was three hours away. Driving in a new rental car (my truck was in the shop) I set out. As I left I felt that familiar twinge in my stomach. I knew a shit was a brewing, but I figured I had time to make it to at least the next city (1 hour away). About twenty minutes in, I realized waiting was a bad idea. I was sweating and having severe shit related pains. I figured I was about twenty five more minutes from the cl...
  • NO RETURNSJimi Bernath It was too late to turn around. It was 10:53, according to the illuminated clock on the dashboard of my Caddy, which I had bought with the little rainbow-shaped air freshener for $2.49 at Woolco just that week. It was a package deal. I saved over a buck, but the rainbow was stinking to high heaven, making me gag and wish I had one of those pine-tree kind instead. The clock was handy, though. Besides telling me that it was too late to turn around, it also flashed the da...
  • Bert was at the bar again. In fact, it's the only bar in town that he hasn't been banned from or kicked out of. Not that he was the life of the party as he had fallen asleep with his face in his pint of beer, as usual. Actually no one had noticed, since Bert was sitting in the back corner of the pub. Having a week's worth of stubble on his face and huge red veins in his eyes, Bert wanted to keep out of sight. He just didn't feel like smashing someone's face in with his beer glass for telling him...
  • Job Application FormTHIS SHEET WILL NOT BE SEEN BY THE PANEL PRIOR TO SHORTLISTINGTHE POSTPost Title: Community AccounantPERSONAL DETAILSSurname / Family Name: Curl First name: DerekAddress and postcode:Flat 2bWulfric RoadManorSheffieldS2 1PF Home phone number: noMobile: noWork phone number: noemail: ?How do you prefer to be contacted? Please can you mail post of address for contact.Positive About Disabled PeopleVAS has been awarded the Two Ticks scheme by Job Centre Plus. VAS will guarantee ...
  • It was the time when I was a busy teacher, though I’d like to think cheater would be more apt. I was having a busy Christmas Eve tutoring a couple of children. They were so desperate that I had promised their parents to make them work until Christmas, not that I wanted to be the Santa Claus of enlightenment.I wanted to keep my evening free to buy gifts for my son, but how could I know that the desperate children’s parents would ring me for a surprise party to thank me for my patience. And yo...
  • My 3 year old Ava had been out playing in the snow and it was time for her to come in. When my husband called to her and said * It's time to come in. * she replied with *But daddy*. My husbands answer was a simple * No buts.*. Ava suddenly reached behind and touched her backside with a horrified look on her face. *Daddy if there are no buts then what's in my pants???*! Got to love kids=D ...
  • My wife works at a hospital as an x-ray tech and her work hours are strange from time to time. Friday evening she would have to be at work at six o’clock p.m. and would stay on call and in the hospital till Sunday evening till six o’clock p.m. Being on call for that time does not require her to stay at the hospital all night long, but living forty miles away from work does not give her the freedom to leave and sleep in her own bed at night when the hospital could call any given moment and re...
About Jared Fiel
Daniel is a humor columnist (as well as a former reporter, former gas station attendant, former fast food worker and current public relations flack).
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