Jared Fiel: Humor Columnist

  •  Voltaire said, “God is a comedian playing to an audience afraid to laugh.”  Translated, if you’re a tight ass, there’s a two drink minimum to read this article. Let me just say, I believe in God but like many, I’ve questioned His existence.  Most people will say the reason they doubt God’s existence is because, “If there’s a God, why is there so much suffering, and why is there war?”  Blah, Blah, blah, blah blah…     My sole reason for doubting the existence of ...
  • When people used to ask me why I started doing prostitution I used to say that it was because a blow job is better than no job. I no longer think like that. After years and years of people pestering me to get of prostitution I finally decided to try my handjob at... OOPS! I mean 'hand' at other types of work and now I can honestly say that a blow job isn't better than no job, a blow job is better than MOST jobs. Take construction for example, that was one of the first jobs I did outside of pros...
  • Cartoon Characters I’d Sleep With – SNOOPY???Often strange things happen when traveling. On a recent trip to San Fran Unleashed hit the some bars and met some wild people. NO… they were not gay bars. In any case, after a few beverages, in casual conversation, we started inquiring what cartoon characters people would sleep with. (for fun) Now questioning guys is easy, but bringing this up to girls is a little more complex. Some biatches were totally flabbergasted on this question and d...
  • A friend of mine went on a day trip to London, the night before he had eaten a chinese meal, any way he starts getting these really bad stomach gripes and foul wind, so he starts looking around for a public toilet and cant find one anywhere. His search becomes more and more desperate until he finally shits himself. Getting disgusted looks from passers by he darts into a clothing store, grabs some trousers off the rail, flings them on the counter,throws the money at the assistant, grabs the bag o...
  • You know what I find funny? You know what really tickles my pickle? When really fat people weigh themselves.I’ll be in the locker room at 24 hour fitness and I’ll see these really FAT dudes weighing themselves. When I say fat. .. I mean clinically OBESE. You know, the kind of guys that make all-you-can-eat buffet restaurants reconsider their way of doing business.Here’s my take on the situation. If you were to lose 25 pounds and it STILL wouldn’t make a significant difference in your phy...
  • My sister, who worked for an opthamalogist several years ago, was contacting patients by phone one day to remind them to make an appointment. One particular patient she had to call was an elderly man who was due for his yearly eye exam. His wife answered the phone and when my sister asked to speak to him she stated "Honey, he has been laid to rest." My sister, being young and very naive at the time, then stated "Well, when he wakes up would you please have him call me?" The widow, who was very t...
  • So i worked at Express at the time and i wanted to get some cufflinks for a shirt. So I went to the mall right after I got off work to go to Dillards and get some.When I got there I saw a friend who was there shopping with her sister. I decided to tag along and next thing you know we are in Hollister. Never going into the place, I was suprised how freaking dark it is in there! Well me being the only person in nice clothes, (sorry, Hollister isnt the most sophisticated) I wanted to mess around an...
  • A highly successful young executive received a promotion and decided to reward himself with a new car. When the dignified, dapper and impeccably groomed businessman arrived at the Mercedes Benz showroom, the salesman looked at his expensive suit and shoes and suggested the Executive Model. “Yes, I like it” said the executive, after looking it over. “I’ll take it today. I have a business conference in another state. I have just been made vice president of finance.” “But sir!” said t...
  • Kate's jacket was torn into bits and pieces. It all happened within a couple seconds. However before I will tell you about......The disasters at home.Brian, who isn't Brian Adams loves to whistle and he calls that singing. His room is like an old farm with plenty of trees. Trees have nests but the birds came from Mars or some other planet. The still whistle but it's more like a referee whistle.That's why his neighbor Kate, wanted to grab him from his throat and place him inside a cage. That was ...
  • Memo to All Staff:Wearing certain colors can be upsetting to other employees or to clients. Therefore, here is a list of forbidden colors, with explanations.Blue: This color is forbidden because it is sometimes associated with sadness and depression, as in "feeling blue" or "having the blues." It is also associated with vulgarity as in "blue humor."Red: This color may encourage violence in the workplace due to the fact that it is the color of blood. It is also forbidden because this color is som...
About Jared Fiel
Daniel is a humor columnist (as well as a former reporter, former gas station attendant, former fast food worker and current public relations flack).
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