Jared Fiel: Humor Columnist

  •  I went to the eye doctor the other day. I thought it was time to have my eyes checked. It turned out to also be a reality picture checkup.I enter the office to be greeted by the receptionist, "Can I help you?""I hope so." I reply, "I`d like to have the doctor check my eyes and write me a prescription so I can get some new glasses.""He can`t see you today," the receptionist tells me."Something wrong with His eyes?" I ask with a smile."Pardon me?""Why can`t he see me today? Does he have temp...
  •  This morning I decided to find myself. I originally looked forward to the spiritual journey that would define who I was as a person. But then I looked into my mirror and realized that the person I saw in that mirror was me. So I then figured, why spend all this time finding myself when I already know where I am?Since I allotted around 80 years for this quest and finished it in about eight seconds, I had some free time that I needed to devote to a cause. I had a great idea: I would purp...
  •  Take time to laugh at yourself and the ridiculous in life. It is so refreshing to just laugh at your slips, peculiarities, forgetfulness, and fumbles. Humor has the power to dull the sharp edges of life and is a great tension reliever. Laughter stimulates the soul and boosts the immune system.There are medical researchers who assert that laughter reduces levels of certain stress hormones. But, beyond this, laughter is curative. It is just good medicine for the sluggish spirit and an effect...
  • “Is it a keeper?” asked the boy“Hells no! There’s more meat on the worm,” said the old man and tossed the eight-inch catfish over the side of the bridge and back down into the Fannegusha.“You done your Sausage McMuffin?” asked the old man.“Yeah.”“Can’t beat McDonalds’ breakfast. Well worth the shits.” “Grandpa!”“Sorry.”The boy dropped his line back in the river and the old man cast his farther out. Watching his bobber slowly float downstream, the boy caught a na...
  •  This article was prompted by something I heard (second hand) about the performance of a local magician at a child`s birthday party. Now, granted, this wasn`t done by a clown, but I`ve seen clowns doing similar things. As one of his tricks, he has a child (a young girl approximately 9 years old) holding two handkerchiefs knotted together. He pulls Her hands apart, and instead of a third handkerchief appearing (or a flag, or whatever else) he has a pair of ladies` panties appear. The magicia...
  •   I wrote this article last year when hurricanes after hurricanes pounded Florida. It is the hurrican season. This year the season has turned ugly for the state of Florida. "There are no seasons in Florida", they say. But we can now say there are two distinct seasons in Florida: Hurricane season and Non-hurricane season.We moved to this state last year from texas. When I joined the VA hospital as software engineer I was very surprised to hear that we had to attendtwo mandatory hurrican safe...
  •  This past week as Mr. Man and I lounged around our sprawling estate, I realized that my life is just way too laid back. What with our perfect children, our incredible level of financial independence and perfect hard bodies, I felt inspired to do something to shake things up a bit."Hey, Mr. Man," I said to my sweet Baboo, "What do you say we get up real early in the morning and drive two hours to a hospital as big as Disney World so I can get their Monday Thyroid Biopsy Special? I think tha...
  •  If you ever saw Aristophanes live on stage, you must be sincerely old. That’s because he appeared around 400 B.C., and back then the videos were pretty bad.This amazing Greek dramatist knew how to communicate through comedy. Like present-day humorists, much of his work focused on current events or politicians.What can we learn from this ancient wordsmith?1. Humor can be a great teaching device. One of his early plays – “The Clouds” – talks about an old man trying to solve problem...
  •  I have recently become frustrated with something at doughnut establishments, and I`m not referring to the scones, although -- seriously -- just think about the writing possibilities if I were. Rather, it`s the tip cup that bothers me...To begin, I do realize that doughnut (or donut, take your pick) shops aren`t the only places with these cups. But for the sake of this column, I need to be oblivious to all of the other ones in order to keep some sort of focus, so bear with me here...Yogi:...
  •  Ace of Base hasn’t seen the sign for quite some time now, but that doesn’t stop the rest of us from doing so. In fact, on a regular basis, I see a lot of signs — and I don’t like most of them. With that in mind, I thought I’d take this week’s column to reveal a few examples:Caution: Children at Play: Why are we supposed to be cautioned of this — in case they need a steady quarterback? Or, am I interpreting this wrong entirely, and it turns out that all the children are at ...
About Jared Fiel
Daniel is a humor columnist (as well as a former reporter, former gas station attendant, former fast food worker and current public relations flack).
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