Jared Fiel: Humor Columnist

  •  Space exploration came a long way since I was the size of a measurable amount of it.I remember with some pain, my first ride on a penny farthing with its big wheel and long spokes that were well engineered to cut a foot or two off anyone`s legs.With good timing though, I used my head and saved my legs.Anyway, I`m a long time looking and can see nothing in space worth a damn.What would keep it up?Some viagra from venus? I don`t think so!Even if there was anything up there, who put it there?...
  •  It`s time for me to announce that I have a lot of skeletons in my closet. I keep them there to stop people from stealing my jackets. Some of the skeletons actually wear the jackets so they don`t get cold. That may seem strange to people, but never has a skeleton complained to me..."And what if?" you may be thinking."What if what?" I may be thinking back to you."What if a skeleton complained?" you may clarify.Obviously if that were the case, then I`d use my skeleton key to lock the door....
  •  Have you ever heard that saying, “The show must go on"? When you hear it, you think of what is commonly referred to as “Show-biz,” don’t you? But where can you go to see the best acting money can buy, any day of the week? No, I’m not talking about the theatre or TV. I’m talking about the “Restaurant-biz.” Servers, bartenders, hostesses, and restaurateurs act on a daily business. Their performance is crucial! Every movement, every word, every bite is an integral part ...
  •  While many restaurant workers worry and sweat in anticipation of an imminent job-related performance review, employees at Applebee`s in Westland have adopted an entirely different attitude toward the employment evaluation process. This is due in no small part to the fact that the general manager, Lisa Blanco, rewards superior employee performance the old fashion way."We have the lowest turnover rate in the company," said Blanco, beaming. "I`m proud of the fact that when I get an employee, ...
  •  Here, for your barfing pleasure, are the top ten worst jokes of all time about piano players. Nothing personal, you understand, since I am one. But a little comic relief laughing at ourselves is good for both our soul and our humility.So without further ado, here are some of the all time worst piano jokes in descending order:10. What do a vacuum cleaner and an electric piano have in common.Answer: Both suck when you plug them in.9. What does a piano player dream about?Answer: Sheet music.8...
  •  Evidence of after-hours activity turned up at a Big Boy restaurant salad bar in Detroit last week, embarrassing not only the perpetrators, but nearly everyone associated with the company.Apparently, Mike Finney and Rhonda Carrion were working together to close down the restaurant’s soup, salad and dessert bar and, with no one else around, culminated a night of flirting with sexual intercourse right on the bar. Witnesses said they’d been flirting almost the entire shift, and that it was...
  •  It was late in 1775, and King George III was at Buckingham Palace, sitting in reflective mood on his commode. His 13 year old son Prince George (yes, they were very imaginative with their names, those royal types), was sitting on the floor nearby, otherwise occupied with the 18th century equivalent of Game Boy: a model soldier with a rifle sat on a model elephant, shooting at a model tiger two planks of wood away.Their peace, tranquility, and respective modes of concentration were broken b...
  • The Thai government has confirmed an outbreak of 'the gay' in rural villages around the country. Mostly confined to males under 20, this still may cause economic turmoil as shares in the country’s biggest 80's rock store plummet to a 4 year low. A store worker there said to our reporter "they don’t come no more...they all a gay now, no like the White Snake". A spokesman for the Thai government addressed a health forum yesterday in Dubai and announced newmeasures to counter the growing gaynes...
  • Boy Becomes Man( A young boys journey into manhood while on a camping trip )By Kyle HoffmanMen fart too much. They do it a lot. They laugh and joke about it and even admit with great pride their best accomplishment. I am confident tonight in my slumbering sleep that the silence of the dark forest will be broken by the thundering roar of the men’ evening dinner. The dawn harkens the call of anal artillery. Each pungent bouquet is accompanied by a booming report. And when the rectal siren’s so...
  •  I am currently perplexed by the concept of outgoing mail. I mean, I understand it in theory, but today I tried talking to it and it didn`t even respond. What`s so outgoing about that? I think it needs to be renamed "shy mail" or "introverted mail". And besides, the reason a lot of people send mail is because they are not outgoing people and would like to instead express themselves in written form. So a new name for this type of mail is only logical. I would suggest names like Ralph or Hec...
About Jared Fiel
Daniel is a humor columnist (as well as a former reporter, former gas station attendant, former fast food worker and current public relations flack).
Subscribe
See Also