Jared Fiel: Humor Columnist

  •  How To Marry A Wealthy Guy(or Girl... Or at least Make Sure they`re a Good Money Manager! ha,ha!)Here are some little tips so you can at least spot a wealthy (or soon-to-be-wealthy) guy:1. If that BMW he`s driving is most likely leased, you may be looking at a guy who owes a whole lot of money to someone else... It`s pretty easy to LOOK rich. You might want to check out the guy in the Truck or not-so-new-but-still-nice vehicle -- chances are high that he`s the one who`s been saving his buc...
  •  Have you ever heard the name Will Schwenk? Or the name Artie Seymour? Probably not. But you will, you will, when the word gets around about how these two inglorious talents were by-passed, how they missed being touched by the magic wand of Fate. For contrary to popular belief, the series of light operettas commonly attributed to Gilbert and Sullivan were in effect written by the pair of nonentities named above, Artie being the melodist and Will the versifier.Gilbert had also dabbled in...
  •  Watching the fans at a minor-league baseball game is just as fun as watching the players. From the silent statues to the loud cartoon caricatures, from the self-contained families and social groups to those who fully participate with the game, from the normal to the abnormal to the absolutely bizarre, the crowd at the stadium is a microcosm of the human race .This world of characters can be categorized into three groups according to their interest in the game. These three main groups ma...
  •  We live in a world of widgets.  People manufacture, distribute, and sell them.  You name it, they’re doing it.  I have a friend who is a toilet paper salesman.  God bless him.  It’s an honorable job and my butt and I give him a two ply thumbs up thank you butt it’s not something I, personally, could ever do-do.     I have a friend who told me once that the litmus test for taking a job is if you meet a girl and you’re embarrassed to tell Her what you do for a living then yo...
  •  With her Jamaican accent Miss Cleo, a self proclaimed psychic and shaman would give you the answers to all life`s mysteries... for up to 9.95 per minute.Turns out, Miss Cleo was not born in Jamaica at all. A birth certificate showing that Miss Cleo was in reality Youree Dell Harris, an American born in Los Angeles in 1962.According to the FTC, the purportedly "renowned psychic" whose ads promote "free" readings to callers seeking advice, is the subject of a federal district court complaint...
  •  If you are a citizen of UK or Australia, you are permitted to snicker at this problem. Anchorage, Alaska, just opened its first two roundabouts at a major intersection.Not a big deal if you are experienced at negotiating roundabouts, but Anchorage residents certainly are not. The good thing about a roundabout is that it substitutes common sense and courtesy for traffic lights and signs. The bad thing is that Anchorage drivers have never been accused of common sense or courtesy.The round...
  • I'm a 911 dispatcher, and today I received a (911) call from a woman. Her emergency? "What is the number for 311?" I told her "311". She said "yes, 311 -- what is the number?" At this point, I was getting a little bit frustrated, and I asked what the problem was. She had a dead dog in front of her house. I gave up on 311, took her information, and, you guessed called 311 myself....
  • Ok…I played in a co-ed softball tournament a few weeks back to raise money for a friend’s church. I sprained my left knee, pulled my right hamstring and my left glute. But I got some ice, Bengay and Geratol so I think I will live.The thing was, as we were getting ready for our first game the other team was waiting on their last girl player. All of a sudden a tow truck pulls up and a girl hops out wearing blue jeans, flip flops, a Grateful Dead tattoo and a Marlboro hangin’ from her lips. ...
  •  One of the great benefits of belonging to a health club is the huge variety of exercise equipment that’s available. It’s also a great place to meet and observe a wide cross section of society. Here are just a few of the more notable health club regulars:1. Screaming Banshee –- We’ve all been focused on our workout when out of nowhere comes a blood-curdling sound from the corner of the weight room. You look over and there’s a guy doing laterals with 20 lb dumbb...
  •  A welding helmet is a safety device worn for protection while one is welding; however, there are definitely many other uses for a welding helmet. A welding helmet is a very practical that should be found in every home. Here are just a few ways you might find yourself in need of a welding helmet:1. You can’t find your bike helmet.2. You lost your Darth Vader mask on the opening day of a Star Wars movie. A welding helmet is a good substitute; however, you will have to mimic the Darth Vader...
About Jared Fiel
Daniel is a humor columnist (as well as a former reporter, former gas station attendant, former fast food worker and current public relations flack).
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