Jared Fiel: Humor Columnist

  •  We see California Wildfires today? Where is FEMA, they should have known there might be fires in California in the future. Obviously FEMA has no crystal ball and the Bush Administration did not put in a requisition for a crystal ball or put together a team of psychics, as per Jesse Jackson`s plan; who might have used their magical powers and averaged out the results to pin-point which states might have a wild fire.Additionally President Bush is Personally responsible for the Solar Flares a...
  •  Hair is where you find it. My favorite hair salon name, "A Cut Above" contains several hidden meanings. I stopped going to a barber when a ten minute shearing cost twenty dollars plus tip. Now my wife hacks away every two weeks, turning my shirts into an itchy torture chamber and leaving little red scissor spots on my ear lobes. I daren`t say anything critical or I`ll be back at the barbershop in a minute.I wouldn`t spend a dime on a hair restorer, but a windfall bottle of (ladies) Roga...
  •  Peru recently had a huge record breaking Earthquake, a whopper at 7.8 on the Richter scale. Days later the volcano of Fire in Mexico erupted. Now we already know that President Bush is responsible for the Tsunami last year and both Hurricane Katrina and Hurricane Rita. This was reported from a very reliable source; Al Sharpton, Louis Faracon, and Jesse Jackson recently, so you know it is true. Although the media is covering up the fact that the Bush Administration has done nothing to stop ...
  • I cannot even find the words to explain the humiliation I am feeling from this experience the other morning..So Ive been dating this amazing guy for about 3 1/2 months. After finaly getting out of a 2 year long abusive relationship, I finaly had found someone who makes me so happy. Each date just got better and better. Fourth of July comes around, best time Ive ever had with someone and in the perfect moment he explains to me hes falling in love with me (right before the fireworks show started. ...
  •  It`s all jus` dialogue!The Chia Pet Commercial...I`m sure everyone is fully aware of the Chia Pet commercials. However, afterwards, the commercials were modified to sell a different product...Woman: I love Chia Pets! I bought one for my son, my daughter, my husband, and... myself![Camera cuts to the woman`s family.]Son: Yeah, it`s really hard on us, living with a skitzophrenic mother who buys us each the same gift every year.Daughter: All the time, it`s chia pet this, chia pet that. ...
  •  It`s all jus` dialogue!The Darwin E-mail IncidentI was talking online, bashing Creationists, Catholics, and anyone else who was easily offended by the anatomically correct word for fucking, and a mysterious dilemma unfolded. The first five or so lines actually occured, and inspired me to write this article. Lez watch!Conversation With Creationist...Creationist: Your Evolutionist lies are false! False false false false!Punkerslut: You see, though, there are Reversionary and Vestigial o...
  •  It`s all jus` dialogue!An Interview With TruthIt is almost popular now to casually remark on the negative effects of smoking cigarettes. "Yeah, that`s almost as dangerous as smoking," one teen comments about the suggestion of jumping off a bridge. His popularity rating gained 7 points, which would be lost when he later made the comment, "That`s almost as sexy as a nine year old boy!" When I talked with this teen, whom asked that his identity be referred to as "Super X," he said, "I real...
  •  Jesus is lord! Wheee!!So there I was, just cruising the internet looking for a batch of pornography. I go to www.busty-amateurs.com, an old-time favorite site, and what do I see!? No content, no join, no free-tour (heh, what I used every time), no news, just "Jesus Christ is Lord." And below that "Click Here for Freedom." Yeah, okay, so about this time, I was in the mood for some freedom. So I hit that offer up, and it basically brought me to this weird Christian site. I was like, "...
  •  The rainbow coalition by Jesse Jackson is a silly notion indeed. First off what is the only color not in the rainbow? Black right, so what is the deal? How can we take someone seriously who does not even know which colors are in a Rainbow in the first place? Is Jesse Jackson just trying to get the 2% Homosexual Vote, by borrowing their 8% synergy in their movement?Indeed the whole idea of a rainbow collation choosing a symbol to represent their group, which leaves out Black Americans or Af...
  •  Currently we are allowing the World Meteorological Organization WMO, a UN Agency names the Hurricanes of the year prior to the season. But like the Oil for Foods Scandal, they came up a little short having only named 21 storms for the whole season. This is obviously a problematic group for predicting trends in the world, although we have come to expect this.Around the turn of the century in Australia they did not ever argue what the names of Hurricanes would be, they simply named them afte...
About Jared Fiel
Daniel is a humor columnist (as well as a former reporter, former gas station attendant, former fast food worker and current public relations flack).
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