Jared Fiel: Humor Columnist

  •  I’ve tried. I really have tried. It went against my nature but I gave it my best shot and it just doesn’t want to happen. I am, quite simply, not a domestic goddess.I’ve visited websites that are designed to help me get my home organised to almost military precision and read books that tell me how to remove stains from every imaginable surface with the aid of all sorts of weird and wonderful potions, but still my house remains the same. A mess! Albeit, a comfortable mess, but a mess ...
  •  The latest Hollywood blockbuster historical epic has just hit our movie screens. Fans of spectacular swords and sandals extravanganzas like “Gladiator” and “Troy” will be clamoring to see “Alexander”, the latest work by legendary director Oliver Stone.“Alexander” stars Hollywood man of the moment Colin Farrell as Alexander the Great, the 4th century Macedonian king and military genius who conquered the entire known world by the age of 25. Angelina Jolie plays his mother, an...
  • When I was about 14 I lived in Louisianna. I haven’t been there in a long time but at the time it was a pretty rough place. Fights, strange happenings, unexpected and unexplained deaths. Where we went to school they would even check you for weapons. If you didn’t have one they would loan you one till school was out. Even that reporter “Geraldo” came and done a special for 20/20 about satanic rituals that had been reported to be happening in the area. Anyway, I said all that to set up the...
  •  [1] Doctor VisitAfter arriving on time, you are kept waiting for one half hour, then,stripped of your clothes, tapped on the back and without answeringone question, given a prescription for an unnamed ailment that turnsout costing $50 for a medication consisting mostly of Tylenol and adecongestant.[2] Over and OutIn military terms, `Over` means "I am turning the microphone over toyou for further transmission".`Out` means "I am closing the mike and need no further transmissions".Even in...
  •  What we really want to know is, "Are there any entertaining or interesting programs on television?" We now have at least ninety- six channels to choose from, even though two have duplicate programming and five are in Spanish. Here`s a list of currently available offerings:... Infomercial on how to turn your life savings into a million dollars or nothing in one month....Chucky watches Binky discover His winky....The life and times of an ant colony. (repeat)....Actual police raid in Lo...
  •  Sometimes it seems that civilization has arrived too soon. Time saving devices often don`t and quick fix solutions frequently aren`t. The US Government spent hundreds of thousands of dollars developing a pen that would write in space. The Russians used a pencil. Recently I bought a fancy leaf blower/vacuum for the patio. Soon my hands smelled like gasoline, I no longer can fit my car in the garage and the cat has a permanent noise hang-up. So I sold it to my neighbor for $50.00 (Orig. $300...
  •  This afternoon, I passed a mother dragging her daughter by the hand. The girl was asking, or rather moaning: "Mom, where is the car?" Obviously, to have to walk a dozen paces in the parking lot required more strength than she had. It has reminded me of a pupil`s heartfelt cry.I was explaining that the roofs of the gothic cathedrals look like upside down hulls because they had been designed and built by nautical carpenters."In the beginning, a Roman church was as wide as the shortest beam o...
  •  You know me. I tell only the truth in my stories. (Mostly.) So maybe this once I told a big lie, just so I could tell an even better story that`s actually true (mostly.) Was it worth the sacrifice of my very soul? You decide.Jim Ottea and I had been cruising through Colorado for several days, he on His Yamaha FJR, me on my BMW K1200LT. After almost two weeks on the road, the trip was nearly over, but the fun was not. As far as we`re concerned, it`s not over `til it`s over. People h...
  •  Some cling to the Shakespearian line by Caesar who said; “First thing we do is kill all lawyers,” as a possible solution to the abundance of frivolous lawsuits which are filed each year with fictitious claims full of pure and utter hokum. Even the wisest of men who seek such advice to remove this cancer from our society hold short when asked; “Should all lawyers actually be killed?” In fact many of the most intellectual members of our society believe that we should not kill all the...
  •  Be careful what you wish for. Entering the baby`s room one day, I noticed a subtle odor, not unlike a used diaper or a moose with a gas problem. A thorough search revealed everything in order and clean, so it must have come from the baby. "Marielle," I thought, "You stinky devil."Opening the window helped, but I felt I had to ask my sister-in-law, Doris, who often had given me good advice on sticky problems. A fifteen minute conversation with Doris revealed that she knew an old woman of ...
About Jared Fiel
Daniel is a humor columnist (as well as a former reporter, former gas station attendant, former fast food worker and current public relations flack).
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