Jared Fiel: Humor Columnist

  •  Office gift exchanges can sometimes be a painful experience.What happens if you draw the name of that one person in your office that makes your skin crawl? Or worse, what if you make the skin crawl of the person who drew your name?Gifts are suppose to be from the heart. How can it come from the heart if that person makes your heart shrivel up faster than a vienna sausage that`s been left in the sun?I enjoy the art of gift giving - and it is an art.Giving the perfect gift requires thought, ...
  •  You did this to me!Me! The king of the jungle.The ultimate muscle bound stud. Adonis! God’s gift to women.I’m going extinct!I hope you women out there with your equal rights are happy. You better enjoy me while you can.The Y-chromosome, the fingerprint of maleness, is weakening, being stripped of the genes defending it.When it goes, men will no longer exist.In the beginning, the Y chrome was healthy, like the female‘s thing. But just like men are serial killers and tyrants who cause ...
  •  There is a growing number of Americans who are sick and tired of the Sierra Club’s attack on the country and their incessant lawsuits. One of the biggest jokes out West is when people talk about the Spotted Owl. The spotted owl was on the endangered species list for years and each time a business wanted to cut down a tress for timber or to expand a business or build a log cabin, the Sierra Club would sue if they did not include in their Environmental Impact Report EIR they effect this wo...
  •  1. The Ball BearingIn this practical joke, you take a small metal ball bearing and place it inside the hub cap of your victim`s tire. When the victim gets in his car and begins to drive, the ballbearing will bounce around making all kinds of racket. As the victim`s car gains momentum, the centrifugal force of the tire will cause the ballbearing to stay put and there will be no noise. Then as the victim slows down, the ball bearing will break free from the centrifugal force and begin making...
  •  1. What rock star worked as a gravedigger before starting his musical career?A. Roy OrbisonB. Billy JoelC. Mick JaggarD. Rod Stewart1. What famous rock star worked as a gravedigger before starting his musical career?D. Rod StewartTBD: That wasn`t The QuizQueen`s guess either, but that`s what the research says!2. Which tradition was NOT a precursor to Halloween?A. The Celtic tradition of giving thanks at the close of the harvest season?B. The European tradition of lighting candles and masqu...
  •  Many Marijuana Pot Smokers are quite worried that the increase in prices will hurt their healthy pot smoking habit. This just after the FBI indicated they would hire people who had smoked pot. Pot smokers and marijuana lovers are concerned that the Mexican Marijuana Crop was literally washed out from Hurricane Stan Flooding; but now it is even worse as the Yucatan Peninsula’s pot and marijuana crop will take a huge hit and is likely not to recover for at least a year. So the damage of Su...
  •  1. Which is not a group term for birds?A. FlockB. FlightC. VoleryD. SwarmD. SwarmTBD: Various insects can collectively be called a swarm but not birds!2. Which of these is a fear of birds?A. AlektorophobiaB. AstraphobiaC. OrnithophobiaD. OuranophobiaC. OrnithophobiaTBD: Although alektorophobia was close, that is a fear of chickens! Astraphobia is the fear of lightning and Ouranophobia is the fear of heaven!3. Which bird is NOT a bird of prey?A. FalconB. FrancolinC. HobbyD. KestrelB. Franco...
  • Ten Best Pranks to Play on Your Asshole Roommate/Person Who Owes You Money!Everybody knows that the problem with April Fools' day is that it only happens once a year, and usually we are too hungover to actually do anything funny. I think that the date should have nothing to do with getting schadenfreudic revenge on those endearing a holes that we know. To jump start your imaginations, here is a little list of ideas to help out:10. Piss In the Washing MachineAfter they run a load of laundry but b...
  •  1. We all know that fish travel in schools, but do you know some other plural fishey names?A. ClutchB. ShoalC. DraftD. WaveE. All of the aboveF. None of the aboveG. B and CG. B and CTBD: It should have been wave though, don`t you think?2. Can you name the phobia that means a fear of fish?A. IchthyophobiaB. LimnophobiaC. EntomophobiaD. PantophobiaA. IchthyophobiaTBD: If you have a fear of lakes you suffer from limnophobia, of insects you have entomophobia, and of everything its pantophobia....
  •  For all the dumb people and Bozos who think it might be fun to Surf Hurricane Storm Surges, well, this article is for you. And since there is a non-ending supply of brain dead thrill seekers out there, let me explain how you do it, so at least you can have one last thrill before you die trying.First Storm Surges are not like regular surf, it is choppy hard to paddle out into and there is a hell of a lot of debris out there floating around as you are trying to catch pieces of waves. How do ...
About Jared Fiel
Daniel is a humor columnist (as well as a former reporter, former gas station attendant, former fast food worker and current public relations flack).
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