Jared Fiel: Humor Columnist

  •  Back in ancient times, oh say about 10 BV (Before Video games,) when a kid had nothing to do on a summer day, things got pretty difficult. Unlike today, when a kid can veg out for extended periods racking up points on any number of video game titles, children with nothing to do had a real dilemma on their hands. They could either go home and get caught up in some kind of chore their parents would press them into performing, or accept the challenge of grabbing boredom by the nose and kickin...
  •  Back in the days of my childhood, we lived in a richly competitive family. My parents were big advocates of teaching children responsibility at a very young age, and providing us with duties to perform on a daily basis. At the back of our yard, we had a number of fruit trees that produced green apples, cherries, and peaches. The little apple trees were particularly abundant in the fruit they produced, and much of it was too poor in quality to be useful. As the apples ripened and fell t...
  •  One of my first lessons in precision occurred at the home of my best friend when we were children. We decided it might be fun to rig a zip line across his back yard, stringing some plastic coated rope between two trees about 25 feet apart.When it came time to experiment to see whether or not the line would hold our weight, we chose my younger brother for the test because he weighed less than the rest of us. We figured if the line would hold him, we could try the next lightest person until ...
  •  A couple of weeks ago I was watching Washington play the Eagles. It was near the end of the game and I saw that Washington could win by scoring two late-game touchdowns. In fact, I knew they would win! Then last night I watched Dallas play the Eagles. Again, Dallas could score two late-game touchdowns and win the game. In fact again, I knew they would!As I was watching TV last night, I needed the small notebook from my desk so that I could record my grandiose ideas for new ezine articles. ...
  • Vanessa Nightingale December 16 at 6:26pm Ok, everyone might be amused to know that I am still the biggest clutz in town. Why did I spill bright glitter blue nail polish all over my hand right before my interview. Then, I couldn't find any nail polish remover, so I tried washing it off. Yah, bad idea! I ended up with bright blue hands. I looked like a smurf. My solution was to wear my gloves. The ones with the fur.(the only ones that I have) All during the interview the lady kept asking me if I ...
  •  Sure... I loved her. She was smart, attractive, polite and a total demon in the sack. Unfortunately, the perfection ended there. So what`s the problem, you ask? Simple...she had a garbage mouth. No, I don`t mean she cursed like a sailor, I mean her mouth literally smelled like garbage.Beauty can hide a great many things, but it can`t mask bad breath. Those sweet nothings whispered late at night into one`s ear aren`t nearly so sweet when it smells like you are lying in a dumpster. B....
  •  First off, I would like to say that our society should do a lot more than it does about making people aware of the consequences of their actions. Can you imagine being taken to prison in cuffs and leg irons, to spend the next 15 years of your life figuring out how you are going to pay off the $250,000 fine you will owe in restitution for your crime when you finally get out of jail? To make matters even worse, you discover on your first day in the big house that the guy you are sharing yo...
  •  Why is it, that any holiday, time off, or event, someone is sick? Do they plan it that way? I was sitting today, pondering, reminissing, and it came to my attention that every function I have ever attended had at least one of my family members sitting with the sniffles.I was 7 years old. It was christmas time, and I was sick with my appendix. That was a good one. Is it coincidence? Or is there some greater evil out there that enjoys watching suffering in times of joy. We should find him, a...
  •  Viagra. That one word packs a lot of punch. Let`s face it; there is little that has been derided more than Viagra. On the talk shows, it has been the butt of more jokes than Michael Jackson and Saddam Hussein combined. For example:(OK, OK. I admit I was going to share an example or two, but I couldn`t find any clean enough to pass my censor`s well-trained eyes.)Of course, if you are not laughing yet from the jokes you could imagine I might have told, it may be because you are so fed up...
  •  One afternoon, Joe went outside and found Gary standing on the roof of the garage. Since that seemed like a pretty cool place for a kid to be, Joe asked Gary how he got up on the roof. Gary pointed to a tree about fifteen feet from the garage and told Joe that he had climbed the tree, dangled from a branch, swung himself, and leaped over to the garage roof.Determined to accomplish a similar feat, Joe promptly climbed up into the tree, reaching a level that was several feet higher than the ...
About Jared Fiel
Daniel is a humor columnist (as well as a former reporter, former gas station attendant, former fast food worker and current public relations flack).
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