Jared Fiel: Humor Columnist

  • Much like the two kids in the opening of the famed Dr. Seuss book The Cat in the Hat, my wife and I were staring down the doldrums of another Mid-Michigan, drippy gray half snow/half rainy day. We were lamenting the fact that summer wasn’t anywhere near and the only thing to entertain us was wondering if we’d have to shovel the slush or if we could get away with letting it melt away. It was then that we heard those glorious words booming from the TV with all the clarity of a Sunday morning s...
  •  Let me just make one thing clear before I proceed. I am generally an animal loving person. If a dog comes to my house and goes number one on the fence, fine no problem.Squirrels gather near the gate and perform acts sexual in nature, no big deal.But if there is one thing you do not do... It’s lunging in the general direction of my head from above with the intention to kill.This is exactly what a lizard attempted yesterday night. Luckily I managed to dive, in slow-mo of course, out of its...
  •  I felt queasy contemplating the nerve conduction test and electromyelogram (EMG) I was about to have. The nerve conduction test involves taping electrodes to the skin and sending a small jolt of electric current to them. During the EMG, the doctor inserts tiny needles into various muscles and examines the signals displayed on a laptop screen to see how quickly they respond to stimulation. These tests help to determine if there`s any nerve impairment or damage. Now, I`m in no position to be...
  •  Now that I’m settled, I must reflect on my past as a happy-go-lucky single. How can I forget the many times I’ve misled myself into a man’s loving arms, and how much I loved every minute of it?Why, I squirm as if caught in a velvet trap…well, I could, but my second husband is standing right behind me and might ask me what I’m sitting on.I loved my first husband, a wonderfully funny Jew whose parents had fled the Holocaust as kids. After a dozen roller-coaster relationships before...
  •  Hello Folks, It`s Rangerrob.I was sitting on the fence the other day, thinking about important things. Wish I could remember what they were. But I did get to wondering about a few things. Throughout the years, people seem to have created some new looks, and ideas in their everyday lives, which were not really anything we could dream up in our generation. So I have a few questions that I am curious about. Here is my list:• Do them folks with all them piercing and chains in their ears, ton...
  •  So you’re thinking about going country? It’s time to abandon the frenzy of city life, drop the ‘G’ from the end of your verbs and trade your Gucci for goats. You long to be in a place where business is done on a handshake, where your backyard is bountiful and where folks welcome you with warm apple pie and a smile. You want the simple life.Over 1.6 million people moved to rural communities during the first five years of this decade. Several stayed. This migration con...
  •  Q: When in a relationship, why is it so difficult getting used to sleeping with someone in the same bed? Why do women find it necessary to cuddle so much? A: You won’t believe this, but I recently became an expert on this subject. For some reason women are always cold, it doesn’t matter if it’s + 35 outside and the humidity is causing you to periodically ring out your shirt or even if it’s -20 outside, but the heat is on so high that your monthly utility bills are rivaling the ci...
  •  A British psychotherapist has astonished mental health professionals by claiming that Phone Sex may help prevent suicide.Doctor Alvin Booby—a therapist from London who specialises in treating chronic depression—made the surprising claim after listening to the testimony of a man who believes he was saved from certain death by the `healing` powers of 27-year-old Samara Tanz. The slim, vivacious blonde says she discovered Her unusual talent when Stanley Twytchen (46), rang Her number in m...
  •  Do you ever ask yourself why did I get out of bed today? Is this all there is to life? And where the hack I left my car keys?Don`t despair; it`s not too late to turn your life around! Well, unless you are really old (like 30); in that case I suggest alcohol. If you are still a useful member society (under 30), I gathered some life tips that without a doubt change your life in such a deep and profound way, you won`t even notice!So with all that said and down, now it`s time to seat down, lea...
  •  Owning a BMW reduces risk of Prostate cancer?A recent study by the American Cancer Society showed that men who had more than 20 ejaculations per month had a 33% reduced risk of prostate cancer and men who had between 13 and 20 ejaculations per month had a 17% reduced risk.A recent poll by the German magazine, Men`s Car, found that BMW drivers had more frequent sex than owners of any other make, with strangely, Porsche, at the bottom of the list, behind even Ford.So, it would seem to follow...
About Jared Fiel
Daniel is a humor columnist (as well as a former reporter, former gas station attendant, former fast food worker and current public relations flack).
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