Jared Fiel: Humor Columnist

  •  I have recently decided that bagels, everyone`s office treat, are evil.Yes, evil I said, pure and down right Evil. Its right up there with the 7 deadly sins - even might include some of them. Definately Lust and Gluttony. Maybe even Lying, if you are on a diet.I would like to know who decided to create something that is pure carbohydrate with a whole bunch of fat thrown in for good measure. And then, we are not allowed to eat it plain, we must slather it with either butter or cream cheese ...
  •  Dentists hate you. But I suppose it’s okay to have an attitude if your entire profession revolved around pain, radiation, tooth decay, gingivitis, bad breath, blood and drool.You dread the visit to the dentist all day long. You park your car and walk into the dentist’s office 15 minutes before your scheduled appointment time in order to sit in their waiting room for an hour and a half. They teach the receptionist how to arrange such a schedule in Dental Receptionist College. In Den...
  •  I hate geese. I am an animal lover extraordinaire, with the exception of geese. You may wonder why this particular species engenderers such anathema, what could cause a sane, rational, mature woman who is otherwise very kind, to feel the way I do.When I was five years old we moved from the coast of Oregon to Montana. My Grammy and Grandpa had moved there to homestead and my parents decided to go out too. The ocean air was hard on my lungs and I was sick all the time. There was a 100 acre f...
  •  This past weekend I lost my voice. I wasn`t sick. Rather, I experienced "severe voice strain" from yelling quite loudly and in a panic-stricken manner at our two large dogs, who were having a violent fight over a tennis ball.At first I was just yelling to try to get their attention and make them stop trying to rip each other`s throats out. But when I saw blood, my yelling became louder, more hysterical, and high pitched as I envisioned a new episode of MTV`s "Celebrity Death Match" between...
  •  I was scheduled to have my first MRI bright and early on a Saturday morning. It’s a good thing they asked me to wear clothes without buttons or zippers. I woke up, sipped a cup of strong hot coffee (thankful for a compassionate husband), took a quick shower, and threw on a clean pair of jammies. Sweatpants and a t-shirt, actually, but at 7:00 AM, I looked like I’d just rolled out of bed, anyway.“Open MRI” is an interesting experience - I still can`t decide if it`s one of the most c...
  •  Want to be totally puzzled? Do a search engine search for "online comic strips." What you`ll find is that the first and biggest online comic strip site, comics.com does not even show up, at least not within the first 3 pages. This leads me to wonder just how search engines rank their sites and how stupid can they be? But that`s for another topic.Comics.com quite simply is the black tie of online comics sites. You will find just about every comic strip currently in print in national and...
  •  Earlier today I was driving behind a truck with one of those "How`s my driving?" stickers posted on it. Underneath the sticker, of course, was a phone number so that people can call. I decided that I`d like one of these stickers so that people in cars behind mine can initiate conversations about my driving. That`s because I`m an idiot and I think that most of the cars on the road have good drivers inside them...Speaking of idiots, I`ve been tempted to call one of those dandelion-elimina...
  •  As Suzy stammered, my ears perked up. For distraction I called out, “Hey Kathy, put on another pot of coffee.” Suzy spoke again. The fact is, gouging my own eyes out with a ketchup bottle would not have distracted me. A linguistic calamity was eminent.The hair on the back of my neck stood up, then it ran from the room. I knew where Suzy was headed. Her speech was like watching a car accident. It all moved in slow motion. Every instinct in me said tear the phone from her hand before it`...
  •  My last piece I talked about associating or pairing up opposites to produce funny ideas. Today we associate SIMILARITY or CONGRUITY; by puting the same or similar objects, person or animals together to engender laughter.One fine example is a pair of identical twins or two person wearing the same clothes. They naturally appear "odd" or "funny" to others. People will stare, giggle or whisper some cheeky or unkind remarks uder their breath. It`s a very normal response.For cartoonists, this as...
  •  (Note: The following article was relayed to us via an otherwise respected author, who told us he had transcribed his dog’s musings on humanity to him. While we were, shall we say, skeptical to the max, the, uh, dog had some interesting points to make. We therefore present this four-on-the-floor account for your reading pleasure… or consternation. Good luck. –Ed.)Humans are fascinating creatures. I don’t think any other animal spends so much time doing things it doesn’t want or ne...
About Jared Fiel
Daniel is a humor columnist (as well as a former reporter, former gas station attendant, former fast food worker and current public relations flack).
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