Jared Fiel: Humor Columnist

  •  Whoever said, "You can`t take it with you" was obviously not referring to a sense of humor ...Here is a list of actual epitaphs from departed souls who clearly had more to say than the time to say it, or from their next of kin, who wanted to be sure they literally had the last word:On the grave of Ezekial Aikle in East Dalhousie Cemetery, Nova Scotia:Here liesEzekial AikleAge 102The Good Die Young.In a London, England cemetery:Ann MannHere lies Ann Mann,Who lived an old maidBut died an old...
  •  Times running out. You feel panicked? You need to come up with a resolution licketty split? But none come to mind?Well you came to the right place. Here are a few to choose from. Please, one per customer! You can thank me later by visiting my website or sending me an email of gratitude.“My New Year Resolution is to …• stop releasing silent gas of mass proportions while waiting in any line.• not sing out loud while listening to my IPOD in the public domain.• not sing out loud peri...
  •  Surrealist-TravelerAt the Doctors Office“What’s the difference between a crazy man who kills you and one who is not crazy (?) I would think they both are, or both are not. Isn’t killing without motive, simply against our values?” said Troy to his Psychologist.The good doctor looked at Troy, smiled, and laughed a little,“You been watching them courtroom battles haven’t you?”Troy smiled back.“Well, it’s simply documentation,” commented the good Doctor.“Do I have good ...
  •  I was talking one day with my two teenage nieces—both sensible young women who apparently have never suffered through the dating experiences I had wrestled with. I started the conversation because I was curious as to the techniques and strategies of the mating dance in the 21st Century. After all, it was my casual observation that dating, as I knew it in the Sixties, had died some years ago.With patience and a healthy respect for elders, the girls gave me an inside look into their world,...
  •  Winston Churchill wrote that after he died and arrived in Heaven he would like to spend a good deal of his first million years painting. I`m no artist, except with the BS perhaps, so after I die I think I would like to spend a good deal of my first million years dancing Rock `n` Roll.But just what will Rock `n` Roll be like in Heaven? Perfect, of course. To begin with I will have a perfect partner who loves to dance with me only and gets it right 100 percent of the time. She will dress to...
  •  When I shop for clothes, I keep it simple. I walk into the men’s store and say, “I want to look at some shirts.”The salesperson points to the shirts and I say “I’ll take this one and that one”.I’m out of there in less than 5 minutes. There are way too few hours in the day to be fussing over clothesIt’s a good thing that I’ve streamlined my clothes shopping to a quick and efficient science. Like most men, I have no natural fashion sense. The only real advice I ever got...
  •  Down here in Dothan, Alabama we have a city park that’s been setup to give folks a feeling for how country life used-to-be. I guess these parks are probably springing up all over the country, I’ll bet in New York they have a park that teaches you what it’s like to get mugged, or to explain to a foreign cab driver where you’d like to go. Our park is a working farm, and also has a real old-fashioned soda fountain. I have no idea what one has to do with the other.There was a story ...
  • Our daughter is 21 and was diagnosed with Crohn's disease when she was 15. Because of the Crohn's, she is Vitamin B12 deficient. All the surgeries and the stress of Crohn's can make her, for lack of a better word, cranky at best. One day she was getting ready for work and asked where the big golf umbrella was because she walks 16 blocks to work. I admitted that I accidently left it in my office. She complained and an arguement ensued with her leaving the house without speaking to me. After...
  •  What will 2006 bring? As I try to foresee 2006, leaning on my educated or in reality not so educated guessing, I’ll begin with Sudoku puzzles. True, these puzzles are rooted in 2005, but one has to step back a little to get the wider view of the horizon. Anyhow, thanks to Sudoku puzzles, I bet, we’ll all learn how to count, especially the Democrats.Another trend I’m counting on, based on Google’s San Francisco experiment, is the free internet; however, this will have some drawbacks...
  •  A funny thing happened during my last trip to Atlanta. I was visiting my buddy John—not a southerner, but we had a good time nonetheless.John is the type of guy who lives in the right house, drives the right car, wears the right clothes, and always laughs at your jokes whether funny or not—good to have a friend like that.Oh yeah, one more thing, he’s thin.We were out on Saturday doing all the things you can’t do in Dothan, AL. Like, getting a sprayed-on suntan, having a cup of St...
About Jared Fiel
Daniel is a humor columnist (as well as a former reporter, former gas station attendant, former fast food worker and current public relations flack).
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