•  Lately I`ve had the problem of falling asleep with my contact lenses still in my eyes. And by "lately," I mean for the past seven years. This, in a lot of ways, is the pinnacle of laziness because the removal of contacts takes no more than a minute or two, or three hours if it`s your first time. But I`ve come to the conclusion this morning that there is a reason I fail to remove the contacts: deep down, I am hoping to find certain people in my dreams. So if I have the contacts on my ey... more »
  •  I just turned on the news a minute ago and wondered why there weren`t news flashes regarding when -- and perhaps where -- people are turning on the news. Sometimes it is a slow news week, and there`s not much to read in Newsweek, so maybe this could take up some space. I think that`s how Neptune got there...What I am really wondering, though, is how bed bugs got their reputation. Don`t worry, there is no need to inspect your bed spread, although I heard the spread does improve the tast... more »
About Jared Fiel
Daniel is a humor columnist (as well as a former reporter, former gas station attendant, former fast food worker and current public relations flack).
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