Columns
  •  Sometimes it seems that civilization has arrived too soon. Time saving devices often don`t and quick fix solutions frequently aren`t. The US Government spent hundreds of thousands of dollars developing a pen that would write in space. The Russians used a pencil. Recently I bought a fancy leaf blower/vacuum for the patio. Soon my hands smelled like gasoline, I no longer can fit my car in the garage and the cat has a permanent noise hang-up. So I sold it to my neighbor for $50.00 (Orig. $300... more »
  •  What we really want to know is, "Are there any entertaining or interesting programs on television?" We now have at least ninety- six channels to choose from, even though two have duplicate programming and five are in Spanish. Here`s a list of currently available offerings:... Infomercial on how to turn your life savings into a million dollars or nothing in one month....Chucky watches Binky discover His winky....The life and times of an ant colony. (repeat)....Actual police raid in Lo... more »
  •  [1] Doctor VisitAfter arriving on time, you are kept waiting for one half hour, then,stripped of your clothes, tapped on the back and without answeringone question, given a prescription for an unnamed ailment that turnsout costing $50 for a medication consisting mostly of Tylenol and adecongestant.[2] Over and OutIn military terms, `Over` means "I am turning the microphone over toyou for further transmission".`Out` means "I am closing the mike and need no further transmissions".Even in... more »
  • When I was about 14 I lived in Louisianna. I haven’t been there in a long time but at the time it was a pretty rough place. Fights, strange happenings, unexpected and unexplained deaths. Where we went to school they would even check you for weapons. If you didn’t have one they would loan you one till school was out. Even that reporter “Geraldo” came and done a special for 20/20 about satanic rituals that had been reported to be happening in the area. Anyway, I said all that to set up the... more »
  •  The latest Hollywood blockbuster historical epic has just hit our movie screens. Fans of spectacular swords and sandals extravanganzas like “Gladiator” and “Troy” will be clamoring to see “Alexander”, the latest work by legendary director Oliver Stone.“Alexander” stars Hollywood man of the moment Colin Farrell as Alexander the Great, the 4th century Macedonian king and military genius who conquered the entire known world by the age of 25. Angelina Jolie plays his mother, an... more »
  •  I’ve tried. I really have tried. It went against my nature but I gave it my best shot and it just doesn’t want to happen. I am, quite simply, not a domestic goddess.I’ve visited websites that are designed to help me get my home organised to almost military precision and read books that tell me how to remove stains from every imaginable surface with the aid of all sorts of weird and wonderful potions, but still my house remains the same. A mess! Albeit, a comfortable mess, but a mess ... more »
  •  Maggie, the 22 year-old African elephant, has been a resident of the Alaska Zoo since 1983. The Zoo recently decided that Maggie needs nicer quarters, more attention, and a treadmill. She weighs 9,100 pounds and does not get enough exercise, especially during the long Alaskan winter months.Alaska Zoo officials debated this past year about whether to keep Maggie. She has been the only elephant in the zoo since 1997 when her companion of 14 years, Annabelle, died. Some experts believe th... more »
  •  Here you are; an expert in search of how to be taken seriously as an expert.No matter who you are, you wouldn’t be here if you actually were taken seriously as an expert in your field. Were you in that situation, you wouldn’t need to go to the internet to learn how.And, obviously, had you actually taken the time to become the kind of expert that people listen to (let alone pay!), you wouldn’t be here either.So now that we’re getting real, let’s put it into more direct terms: Yo... more »
  •  When I went online in 1998, my experience with PCs was limited to basic word processing, and the most technical term I knew was, "Load game."Today, I maintain my own website and I roam the Internet with confidence.But during those first months online, I gained more worry lines and lost more sleep than I ever did when my children were teenagers!Most of my frustration was due to the lack of any simple instructions on how to do the most basic things. Allow me to illustrate with the Saga of th... more »
  •  We took advantage of yesterday`s beautiful weather and fired up the engine on the houseboat, went out on the lake, tied up to a tree, and gloried in the springtime temperatures that are so long overdue.While sitting up on top of the boat, drinking my drink of choice -- Captain Morgan`s on ice with a twist -- two Canadian Geese came swimming up to the boat, looking for handouts. I retrieved some bread from the galley -- because geese generally prefer it over marshmallows -- went back up on ... more »
About Jared Fiel
Daniel is a humor columnist (as well as a former reporter, former gas station attendant, former fast food worker and current public relations flack).
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