• Many Americans are concerned about the amount of money we are spending on the Iraqi war. So I developed a financial strategy to fund this conflict. I call it “shock and awe economics. At the heart of my economic theory is product placement. Product Placement is a time tested and growing strategy of advertising Yes, just as simple as that. Every time a hot thirsty solider takes a big swallow out of a can of coke looks into the camera and says, “This coke is just what I needed after a ... more »
  • I have decided to embark on a new career. I'm going to be a guest eater on the food network. It came to me while I was watching the Iron Chef battling on the food network. I saw all these good looking Japanese people dressed up and smiling at the great looking food. I was so excited. I immediately recognized the co-stars of Mothra and Godzilla III. And I knew this was for me.The mystery secret theme ingredient for the dueling Iron Chefs was cuttlefish. I had no idea the cuttlefish had three s... more »
  • The Trial It was family reunion time for the humans and they brought along all of their pets. To celebrate his birthday, the humans built a large ginger bread statue of Benjamin Franklin. The builders were a happy, cheerful group as they went about their work. They gave Franklin all of his wrinkles and bulges including an expanded waist line that was accentuated by a tight rumpled vest. Wire rim glasses rested on the tip of his nose and he was dressed in classy knickers. His hair flowed t... more »
  • I have been trying to lose weight, tone up and fix the hair loss thing. I took so many fat burner pills. When the EMT’s found me they called it the worst case of spontaneous human combustion they had ever seen. I got some of those electric muscle twitching pads. But they didn’t work at all. So I scheduled a twenty minute visit to “Ole Sparky”, the electric chair at the Florida State Penitentiary Maybe that will help jump start me into losing weight. I got a package from the Hair Loss Cl... more »
  • Here are five different options for having more sexual fun in the bedroom that you may not have thought of attempting as of yet, but will after I tell you how to do them. I assure you I have tried these myself with highly satisfactory results (at least for me). First, a proviso. Do not attempt these movements if you have high blood pressure, emphysema, a dislocated shoulder, erective dysfunction, need to experience a major bowl movement within minutes, cannot control psychologically... more »
  • Prime Minister Mori was given some basic English conversation training before he visits Washington and meets with President Bill Clinton. The instructor told Mori " Prime Minister, when you shake hand with President Clinton, please say 'how are you'. Then Mr Clinton should say"I am fine, and you ?" Now you should say 'me too'. Afterwards we translators will do all the work for you." It looks quite simple, but the truth is ...When Mori met Clinton, he mistakenly said "Who Are You ?". Mr Clinton w... more »
  • it was already 9pm and the two bestfriends just got home from their long journey to buy a bread. on their way home, they brought some snacks. when they got home, they immediately ate the snacks. they talked about their upcoming fieldtrip. the boy's mother thought that the bestfriend were going to go out again.she looked at them with angry eyes "where are you going again?" she asked them. the two were just about to sit downthe boy looked at his mother funny "ummmm, we're going to sit down" they b... more »
  • LOUISVILLE, KY - Dapper Louisville Cardinals coach Rick Pitino is one of the many basketball coaches famous for being very well dressed at all times. But the always dapper Pitino is now sporting a very new look that will soon be made public. The reason? The Kentucky Association of Redneck Trash (KART), a little known but powerful organization with its regional office based out of a rundown shack in central Kentucky, decided they did not like Pitino's pinstriped corporate executive style and that... more »
  • Ok so one day when I was at an amuzement park I was walking around in a short jean skirt. I didn't think it was that bad, but my friends kept saying it was too short "You'll regret it" they kept saying. Anyway, I got to this one ride which we had to go up stairs to get to, and of course the line stopped when I was on the steps. I started to feel really subconscious about who was seeing what. For whatever reason, I looked down right below me and saw this really creepy older guy looking up my skir... more »
  • Donkey eats his buyer's money in Algeria; case in Supreme Court ABU DHABI, September 29 (RIA Novosti) - A donkey at an Algerian market ate the money of a man who came to buy him, making the unfortunate buyer and the owner wonder who the animal belongs to, an Algerian newspaper reported. Al Shuruk al Yawmi, a newspaper published in the northern Algerian town of Tizi Ouzou, said the customer and the seller were traditionally bargaining for price for too long and failed to notice the donkey consumi... more »
About Jared Fiel
Daniel is a humor columnist (as well as a former reporter, former gas station attendant, former fast food worker and current public relations flack).
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