Columns
  • Boy Becomes Man( A boys journey into manhood while on a camping trip )By Kyle HoffmanMen fart too much. They do it a lot. They laugh and joke about it and even admit with great pride their best accomplishment. I am confident tonight in my slumbering sleep that the silence of the dark forest will be broken by the thundering roar of the men's evening dinner. The dawn harkens the call of anal artillery. Each pungent bouquet is accompanied by a booming report. And when the rectal siren's song ceases... more »
  •  Just recently my ex-husband stopped in to visit during His vacation. In the course of small talk, a few old memories usually crop up in the conversation. One that instantly came to mind was the day our second son was born.It was early Sunday morning on a crisp day in the middle of May when I was awakened from my sleep by what I knew to be labor pains. Since it was my second pregnancy I was not alarmed. I already had one child so I felt like an old pro. I knew it was early labor and I had p... more »
  •  Despite my diplomas that allowed me to teach in state secondary schools, and my requests, I had been appointed to teach to a sixth-grade class. At least, I almost worked in my backyard. The morning classes went smoothly. I knew that my pupils were experiencing many new situations. In primary school, they were all day long in the same classroom with the same teacher, who knew them by their first name. During their first sixth-grade day, they met a different teacher at each hour, each time i... more »
  •  The Army Corp of engineers is having a tough time filling in the breaches in the levees. They have tried to use giant sand bags to drop into the hole. Three-Thousand pound bags have been dropped into the breach but to no avail. Lake Pontchartrain has a lot of weight behind it and fixing the breach and pumping out the water could take months.I therefore have an idea. Now before you say my idea is crazy, remember the President to think on this and that no idea is too far out, we need to put ... more »
  •  An artist/bohemian type working for themselves is perceived in a variety of ways by the general public. A lot of the perception has to do with a combination of the artist`s cashflow and apparel strategy, as opposed to the stirrings of their soul. Strangely, as a young man, people often saw me as a responsible, solid guy. Ha!In the early eighties I ran my screen printing operation out of a funky old warehouse by the railroad tracks in Eugene, Oregon. Enormous pastry and coffee in hand, I’... more »
  •  Are we starting to see the Housing Bubble Burst in the wake of Hurricane Katrina? In New Orleans many homeowner’s had their equity literally washed away. They are upside down in negative equity and basically underwater. It appears that the New Orleans Housing marker has gone down the drain. New Orleans experienced significant growth in the past year, prices had increased; many had taken out second loans to pay off credit car debt, which helped fuel the economy there. Relatively few need ... more »
  •  Each year, at the very beginning of the first term, when I gave back the first essay, there was a pupil (at least one, often several) who asked me: "Madame, where is mine?" and promised: "Yes Madame, I let it on your desk last week." Some were more cautious and prefered to explain: "I had forgotten it so I put it in your mail box in the teachers` room, later".The first time it happened, once back at home, I turned our whole flat upside down to find the lacking sheet of paper, blaming Pierr... more »
  •  Are my neighbors listening to my phone sex calls? I don`t suppose I will ever know the truth.I know they could be. Living in a fairly new suburb of a fast growing city has created a perfect eavesdropping situation. The houses are only about 8 feet apart, the trees are still tiny, and the summers are hot. My windows are wide open at night, as I am sure everyone else`s are in this city. It would be reassuring if there were lots of street noises at night to drown out the moans, sighs and d... more »
  •  When I was born, I nearly died!The vet said that I was too thick for the average pelvis, whatever that is.My schoolteacher (bless her), always said that if I had two brains, I’d be twice as thick.Not half as smart!Anyway, I think of it as a compliment.Granted, my head is a bit on the big side and the thickness of my skull is about an inch, but it never had an adverse effect on my ability to study the social habits of puppies and indigenous hedgehogs.My hands are also a little on the larg... more »
  •  Free funny animated ecards can be found on a variety of Internet websites simply by typing in a few key words on a search engine, and allowing that search engine to provide the Internet surfer with results. Free funny animated ecards can come in every subject area imaginable to tailor any special event or can be sent just to say hello. Ecards are electronic cards. All people have at one time or another received or sent a card the traditional way, through the postal mail. All people are hap... more »
About Jared Fiel
Daniel is a humor columnist (as well as a former reporter, former gas station attendant, former fast food worker and current public relations flack).
Subscribe
See Also