•  Operator: Thank you for calling this pizza joint. May I have your...Customer: Hello, can I order..Operator: Can I have your multi-purpose card number first, sir?Customer: It`s eh..., hold.... on...889861356102049998-45-54610.Operator: OK... you`re... Mr Singh and you`re calling from Bur Dubai. Your house number is xxx, your office number is yyy and your mobile is zzz. Which number are you calling from now, sir?Customer: Home! How did you get all my phone numbers?Operator: We are connected ... more »
  •  Five stunning, new integrated mobile phone applications are set to revolutionise the way we communicate globally, while adding a whole new meaning to the word "personal" (subject to operator approval).The applications have been devised and developed by the world renowned Pevensey Bay Institute for Telecommunications Research in East Sussex, England, helped by prominent Professor Heinz Siebenundf?nfzig of the nearby Polegate Institute for Population Studies (annexe), near Eastbourne.The Ins... more »
  • A man is selling donuts, and he hires a retard to help him sell them.The first day, a customer walks into the store, and asks him,"how much for a donut?""I don't know," he says. The boss walks into the room and says,"No, no, no, when someone asks you that you have to say, 'only 25 cents!'"So the next day, a customer walks into the store and asks him,"how much for a donut?""only 25 cents!""are they fresh?""I don't know," he says. The boss walks into the store and tells him, "No, no, no, you're su... more »
  •  I had to play a joke on the maid at a hotel where I was staying. You know that little paper wrapper they place over the toilet seat, that thin paper band that is supposed to convince you that the facility is clean. You normally take the paper band off and throw it away when you go to use the john. Instead, I saved mine and each morning before leaving the room slipped it back on the toilet seat, giving the impression I never used it.After day five of this I could only imagine the maid’s r... more »
  •  "Education is worth a whole lot. Just think - with enough education and brains the average man would make a good lawyer - and so would the average lawyer."-- Grace Allen (Gracie)"It`s foolish to bet on a horse without talking to him first. I know it seems silly to ask a horse who`s going to win a race - but it`s no sillier than asking anyone else."-- Grace Allen (Gracie)"Build a better mousetrap than your neighbour and Kraft Cheese will beat a path to your door."-- Grace Allen (Gracie)"Fir... more »
  •  He huffed and he puffed and he blew the house down - certainly not if the house was built with cobblestones. Building cobblestone houses was a folk art that flourished in upstate New York from 1825 until the Civil War in 1860. Many of the 700+ cobblestone homes that were built survive today, a testament to their fine craftsmanship.To build your cobblestone house you’ll need 5 main components: cobblestones, soft lime mortar, wood for windows and doors, cut stone blocks for quoins, lintels... more »
  •  I am currently perplexed by the concept of outgoing mail. I mean, I understand it in theory, but today I tried talking to it and it didn`t even respond. What`s so outgoing about that? I think it needs to be renamed "shy mail" or "introverted mail". And besides, the reason a lot of people send mail is because they are not outgoing people and would like to instead express themselves in written form. So a new name for this type of mail is only logical. I would suggest names like Ralph or Hec... more »
  • Boy Becomes Man( A young boys journey into manhood while on a camping trip )By Kyle HoffmanMen fart too much. They do it a lot. They laugh and joke about it and even admit with great pride their best accomplishment. I am confident tonight in my slumbering sleep that the silence of the dark forest will be broken by the thundering roar of the men’ evening dinner. The dawn harkens the call of anal artillery. Each pungent bouquet is accompanied by a booming report. And when the rectal siren’s so... more »
  • The Thai government has confirmed an outbreak of 'the gay' in rural villages around the country. Mostly confined to males under 20, this still may cause economic turmoil as shares in the country’s biggest 80's rock store plummet to a 4 year low. A store worker there said to our reporter "they don’t come no more...they all a gay now, no like the White Snake". A spokesman for the Thai government addressed a health forum yesterday in Dubai and announced newmeasures to counter the growing gaynes... more »
  •  It was late in 1775, and King George III was at Buckingham Palace, sitting in reflective mood on his commode. His 13 year old son Prince George (yes, they were very imaginative with their names, those royal types), was sitting on the floor nearby, otherwise occupied with the 18th century equivalent of Game Boy: a model soldier with a rifle sat on a model elephant, shooting at a model tiger two planks of wood away.Their peace, tranquility, and respective modes of concentration were broken b... more »
About Jared Fiel
Daniel is a humor columnist (as well as a former reporter, former gas station attendant, former fast food worker and current public relations flack).
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