Columns
  •  I miss the future that we were supposed to have. In the twenty first century, among other fabulous promises, we were all going to fly around in hover cars while wearing silver jump suits with big shoulders. The last time I looked in my garage my car had four wheels and never left the ground (well, not on purpose) and in my closet there is not one shiny silver outfit.When I was a kid there was a show on called The Twenty First Century which was sort of a science fiction type genre with pred... more »
  •  When I was a teenager, we used to take our annual holidays in Italy and my mum insisted my father drive non-stop through France rather than risk another horrifying encounter with a French pissoir. I don`t know if you have ever tried to hold your bladder in for four hours in a car travelling at speeds in excess of 120 miles an hour, but it may explain why my mother had the thigh muscles of an Olympic athlete. Those of you who have never been to France may think my mother was a bit picky, bu... more »
  •  I have just been left in such a state of complete sexual exhaustion that even Jude Law and Brad Pitt couldn`t arouse my interest, never mind anything more substantial. Indeed, such is my repletion, that I fear I may never again be able to grip a Romeo y Julietta half-corona between my thighs.But I am rushing ahead; you are no doubt agog to know how my husband drove me to such a pitch of sensory fulfillment and why I am typing this wearing only a rather torn and excessively moist, black lac... more »
  •  STEP #5An expert is useless unless he or she is credible. Credibility comes through any number of ways, none of which actually have to be based on reality. Once again, perception is King.You know, I once was an artist. Not just any kind of artist, but a real one. I was the kind of guy who labored 25 hours a day for three years to create something magnificent that I couldn’t sell for a frikkin’ penny. My parents kicked me out of the house and into the streets because they couldn’... more »
  •  Let us make all Politicians build and construct their offices out of carbon nano tube sheets, which are transparent, so we can keep a watchful eye on them.As you know there are endless applications for carbon nano tubes due to their strength and abilities to conduct electricity. In fact due to their lightweight, strength, transparency and ability to hold a charge the uses are truly endless indeed.One excellent use for transparent carbon nano tubes would be to make all politicians toe the l... more »
  •  Well if you have been watching pretty soon we will all die of that Bird flu thing. Meanwhile some folks on the Internet are attempting to sell bogus sugar pills as Bird Flu Vaccine. Forget expecting the FBI and FTC to take care of them, they are still trying to reduce the SPAM in your email box?So Bird Flu is on its way via airmail from migrating birds and so you order you special Bird Flu Vaccine online like a good parent for the family? Yet you find out the bird flu vaccine is for the bi... more »
  •  With a smirk I have to admit I`m beginning to become the Old Fart that I`ve spent my life despising. You know who I`m talking about; the guy/person who says stuff like, "I just don`t understand the things people do these days."Well, I don`t.The other day I was doing my photography and in the midst of a particularly spectacular sunset (as if they`re not all!), in one of the most remote parts of the world, some people came into frame. No sweat. I like people. They tend to add to my pictures,... more »
  •  Research has shown that laughter can reduce stress hormones. And disease-fighting white blood cells go up as well. The anticipation of happy times can slash depression levels by 51% and fatigue by 15%. So here is a list of books to make you smile. They are easy to read! Boogers are My Beat by Dave Barry Dave Barry is a humorist and newspaper columnist who pokes fun at the lunacies of everyday life.You Know You`re 40 When....by Ann Hodgman and Patricia Marx These authors remind us that the ... more »
  •  We all know relatives who can`t cook. Not that we are experts in culinary delicacies, but when an inedible concoction hits your plate with a thud, it takes some special manners and facial control to compliment your host.An in-law of my wife`s who has since passed away, mentioned proudly that dumplings would be part of the coming feast at her house. Misshapen, gray lumps of congealed flour and water sank immediately to the bottom of the soup, lying there like raw clay ready for working. ... more »
  •  There is no doubt that the effects of hurricane Katrina (I`m sure glad they`re female again) will, in some way, impact everyone in the country. The storm has already destroyed billions of dollars of personal property and left thousands devastated and homeless. If you have not yet made a donation a good place to start is with the American Red Cross.There is a movement across the United States to help house those affected by this tragedy. Many all over the country are generously willing to d... more »
About Jared Fiel
Daniel is a humor columnist (as well as a former reporter, former gas station attendant, former fast food worker and current public relations flack).
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