Columns
  •  All Terrain Vehicles are everywhere these days. Soon they will be on the Moon and Mars. The Moon Dust is said to be very fine and like Volcanic Ash could be hurtful to human lungs. The great thing about it you see is that you will be wearing a space suit and apparatus so you will not be breathing the dust anyway. However once you are back inside the special Moon Colony and take off your suit it must be cleaned otherwise you could breath in this dust.Mars is much different in that the sand ... more »
  •  Dothan, AL – You know (or maybe you don’t know) I always believe that if you want something you must proclaim it, believe it, and then go after it with all you have.So, direct from my "how could I go through life without writing about this department", I must tell you about one of the truest forms of proclaiming good things that I know of. Near Dothan, there’s a little town called Enterprise.I guess, by virtue of the name, the forefathers proclaimed an enterprising mentality for the ... more »
  •  In Europe there is an `anti-sprinkle` movement, the goal of which is to encourage men to sit down when they pee, and thus avoid the sprinkle effect. Restrooms in all the countries across the continent have signs urging men to be thoughtful gentlemen and sit down when they do their business. My brother-in-law, a German lawyer, as with many European men, now sits down when he conducts His business. Because he`s always been a thoughtful gentleman.Ladies, don`t get your hopes up because that`s... more »
  •  Meat is murder - I understand that - but what if it weren`t murder? Would it be alright to eat it, then? The reason I was thinking of this was that I almost hit a couple of wild turkeys while driving to work today and it occurred to me that if I had hit them it wouldn`t be murder at all and their meat would be free of the stigma of cruelty that taints most meat. And I should be able to eat themwith a clear conscience. (In Wisconsin if you hit wild animals you are allowed to keep the meat f... more »
  •  Does it seem to you that you brush your teeth way too often? Do your days distort and collapse around the beginnings and endings as you face down your grimace while brushing those choppers? Mine do. Every time I brush (twice a day, religiously, and I don’t mean while in a kneeling position) it seems as if I just did it. Time between brushings is apparently running much faster than the time WHILE brushing, which seems to take forever. There could be alien forces at work: Years ago, i... more »
  •  The latest unemployment figures are out and ...they`re about the same as last time. Five point one or two percent of Americans are unemployed. That`s not as good as Clinton who had two or three percent unemployment, but it`s definitely better than Carter who had double digit unemployment and double digit inflation, too. Bush is right in the middle, so that`s okay, don`t you think?Ok. That unemployment rate doesn`t include the people who have simply stopped looking because they`ve given up ... more »
  •  Right now there are four ads on TV that feature elephants. One is a tap dancing elephant that`s advertising - I don`t know what -another advertises a financial firm, another something about Africa and the last one is for cookies, oreos with peanut butter filling. The thing is, I just get the feeling that this is some sort of ploy to appeal to the conservatives in America, you know, using this potent Republican to sell you stuff. Well, I got news for all these advertising firms, I ain`t gon... more »
  •  It would be nice to believe that terrorism doesn`t work, but, I kind of think it does. At least, it works in the respect that if somebody wants to blow themselves and lots of innocent people up, that person can do it almost anywhere they choose to. As far as terrorism achieving specific goals - that`s more of a mixed bag. The train bombings in Spain worked real swell in getting Spanish troops out of Iraq. The train bombings in England, though, Idon`t think that`s going to. The English are ... more »
  • Hello, my name is Jim, and I’m a chair.Yeah, I know what you’re thinking, “why should I care about a talking chair?”Well, being a chair isn’t as easy as the media makes you think. I mean, have you ever had people sit on you all day? No, you haven’t because you’re better than me.Just yesterday this fat guy came to my house. And when I say fat, I mean he was fat. What’s worse is that he was sweaty.He came to the kitchen (that’s where I always am) and chose to sit on me. He could... more »
  • Ok…one night I heard the dogs going nuts in the front yard about 2am. I get up, stagger half asleep to the kitchen and grab my weapon of choice, a broom. As I go investigate I peek a look out the window and don‘t see a thing, so I creep open the door and poke out my head for a peek… nothing. As I slowly survey the perimeter of my yard there it is, something moves in the bushes. I poke it with my weapon and the bush moves violently.Dannnng! What the heck?All of a sudden the biggest armadill... more »
About Jared Fiel
Daniel is a humor columnist (as well as a former reporter, former gas station attendant, former fast food worker and current public relations flack).
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