Columns
  •  Q: When in a relationship, why is it so difficult getting used to sleeping with someone in the same bed? Why do women find it necessary to cuddle so much? A: You won’t believe this, but I recently became an expert on this subject. For some reason women are always cold, it doesn’t matter if it’s + 35 outside and the humidity is causing you to periodically ring out your shirt or even if it’s -20 outside, but the heat is on so high that your monthly utility bills are rivaling the ci... more »
  •  So you’re thinking about going country? It’s time to abandon the frenzy of city life, drop the ‘G’ from the end of your verbs and trade your Gucci for goats. You long to be in a place where business is done on a handshake, where your backyard is bountiful and where folks welcome you with warm apple pie and a smile. You want the simple life.Over 1.6 million people moved to rural communities during the first five years of this decade. Several stayed. This migration con... more »
  •  Hello Folks, It`s Rangerrob.I was sitting on the fence the other day, thinking about important things. Wish I could remember what they were. But I did get to wondering about a few things. Throughout the years, people seem to have created some new looks, and ideas in their everyday lives, which were not really anything we could dream up in our generation. So I have a few questions that I am curious about. Here is my list:• Do them folks with all them piercing and chains in their ears, ton... more »
  •  Now that I’m settled, I must reflect on my past as a happy-go-lucky single. How can I forget the many times I’ve misled myself into a man’s loving arms, and how much I loved every minute of it?Why, I squirm as if caught in a velvet trap…well, I could, but my second husband is standing right behind me and might ask me what I’m sitting on.I loved my first husband, a wonderfully funny Jew whose parents had fled the Holocaust as kids. After a dozen roller-coaster relationships before... more »
  •  I felt queasy contemplating the nerve conduction test and electromyelogram (EMG) I was about to have. The nerve conduction test involves taping electrodes to the skin and sending a small jolt of electric current to them. During the EMG, the doctor inserts tiny needles into various muscles and examines the signals displayed on a laptop screen to see how quickly they respond to stimulation. These tests help to determine if there`s any nerve impairment or damage. Now, I`m in no position to be... more »
  •  Let me just make one thing clear before I proceed. I am generally an animal loving person. If a dog comes to my house and goes number one on the fence, fine no problem.Squirrels gather near the gate and perform acts sexual in nature, no big deal.But if there is one thing you do not do... It’s lunging in the general direction of my head from above with the intention to kill.This is exactly what a lizard attempted yesterday night. Luckily I managed to dive, in slow-mo of course, out of its... more »
  • Much like the two kids in the opening of the famed Dr. Seuss book The Cat in the Hat, my wife and I were staring down the doldrums of another Mid-Michigan, drippy gray half snow/half rainy day. We were lamenting the fact that summer wasn’t anywhere near and the only thing to entertain us was wondering if we’d have to shovel the slush or if we could get away with letting it melt away. It was then that we heard those glorious words booming from the TV with all the clarity of a Sunday morning s... more »
  •  (Note: The following article was relayed to us via an otherwise respected author, who told us he had transcribed his dog’s musings on humanity to him. While we were, shall we say, skeptical to the max, the, uh, dog had some interesting points to make. We therefore present this four-on-the-floor account for your reading pleasure… or consternation. Good luck. –Ed.)Humans are fascinating creatures. I don’t think any other animal spends so much time doing things it doesn’t want or ne... more »
  •  My last piece I talked about associating or pairing up opposites to produce funny ideas. Today we associate SIMILARITY or CONGRUITY; by puting the same or similar objects, person or animals together to engender laughter.One fine example is a pair of identical twins or two person wearing the same clothes. They naturally appear "odd" or "funny" to others. People will stare, giggle or whisper some cheeky or unkind remarks uder their breath. It`s a very normal response.For cartoonists, this as... more »
  •  As Suzy stammered, my ears perked up. For distraction I called out, “Hey Kathy, put on another pot of coffee.” Suzy spoke again. The fact is, gouging my own eyes out with a ketchup bottle would not have distracted me. A linguistic calamity was eminent.The hair on the back of my neck stood up, then it ran from the room. I knew where Suzy was headed. Her speech was like watching a car accident. It all moved in slow motion. Every instinct in me said tear the phone from her hand before it`... more »
About Jared Fiel
Daniel is a humor columnist (as well as a former reporter, former gas station attendant, former fast food worker and current public relations flack).
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