•  All seventeen-year-olds know everything. Just ask them. I had two weeks to learn a twelve page pamphlet on the rules of driving and I actually tried to learn them. Some of the instructions I didn`t really understand but I was reluctant to ask for help. Of course I thought that the driving test rated higher in importance over the written test, so I bugged my Dad to take me out on the road for a lesson. Dad was a real Nazi when it came to following instructions and though he didn`t curse, th... more »
  •  In my memory it was just another day, like any other in Florida during the late summer. Heat blazed from the sun soon after it suddenly popped out of the water and took command of the sky with its presence. I was four and a half years old and had eleven brothers, being the only girl I had tried to hold my own amongst the boys. To do this was no easy task as they were into everything. Some of the older ones would go out with Dad fishing. The younger ones were normally left to mom. Mom had a... more »
  •  My dear Swapna,Please answer the following questionnaire. You will get 10 marks for (a), 5 marks for (b) and 3 marks for (c). If you have scored more than 40, then you love me. Don`t delay to express it. If you have scored between 30 and 40, love is budding in your heart and it`s getting ready to bloom. If you have scored less than 30, you are in confusion whether to love me or not.1) Whenever you enter the classroom, your sight always falls on me because(a) of love(b) you couldn`t resist ... more »
  •  I sent a postcard to St. Peter asking for an interview with God. To my surprise I found myself standing at the Pearly Gates. I realized immediately that these were indeed the Pearly Gates because they were on a gold street and were made of gold too. Marble-size pearls glistened in the Heavenly Light.As I stood there mesmerized by the splendor, I heard a voice say, “Is that you? Taylor Jones, the hack writer?”I spun around. There was an old man with a fishing pole. I said, “You must b... more »
  •  We`ve all been there. You round the corner to your cubical ready to start the day`s work when you are suddenly accosted by the familiar stench of a co-worker`s bad breath."Here we go again...", you think. "Another `H`-filled tirade that won`t ever permeate my ears because I`m too busy trying to keep it from permeating my nose.""So anywahhhhy," continues your co-worker, "Hhhhank Hhhhenshhhhaaw from Hhhhuman Reshhhhourcess told me ouhhhhhr 401k plahhhhn is an outstahhhhnding invehhhhhstmen... more »
  •  Many years ago when I was young, attractive and a viable commodity on the dating market, I was employed as a bartender. Believe it or not, I actually went to "school" to learn this trade. I was living in Las Vegas at the time, and I decided to attend a local bartending academy (translated - you pay us and we`ll get you a job as a bartender).Six years, 50,000 bottles of Bud Light and several hundred Captain and cokes later I finally hung up my shaker, but not before I learned a valuable t... more »
  •  All right … I can’t help myself. I just have to weigh in on “Intelligent Design”. It’s like looking at someone with a hump on their back. As much as I don’t want to comment, I just have to say something—it’s the Larry David in me. When the president recently proclaimed that “intelligent design” (a.k.a., ID) should be taught in schools along side of evolution, I decided I had better learn more about what the president was suggesting. Although usually skeptical of Preside... more »
  •  Maureen Dowd was on Imus the other morning plugging her new book, “Are Men Necessary”; a book I plan to buy so I can get some slightly demented insight into the mind of a troubled woman. During the interview, Imus and his sidekick Charles challenged Ms. Dowd about a female perception she had just suggested that all heterosexual men froth at the mouth at the mere mention of a trip to a strip club or the possibility of a cat fight or the chance two women might lock in lesbian love making... more »
  •  Patience may be a virtue, but laughter is the only way to survive goat milking. You can strive for the perfect fencing. You must aim for good nutrition. But, don’t kid yourself. When it comes to milking, you do not get the last word.When I decided to add milk goats to my backyard farm I envisioned pitchers of milk cooling in the fridge while cheddar rounds age in my cellar. Spirit, my first nanny, had other ideas. There is an old saying I just made up: “Don’t expect instant gratifica... more »
  •  Last night I had a dream where I was doing stand-up comedy in a gym, which in itself is pretty funny, except that my first joke completely bombed. I remember it so vividly that I keep having to remind myself it did not really happen. It went a lot like this: "Isn`t it weird how people always think they`re so great when they play basketball in their own driveways? You know, you have some guy who is 5`6" trying to dunk to impress everyone, as if he is a foot taller on his home court."See, it... more »
About Jared Fiel
Daniel is a humor columnist (as well as a former reporter, former gas station attendant, former fast food worker and current public relations flack).
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