Columns
  •  The new year is approaching us, and that means that most people are thinking about the resolution that sounds the most impressive to others and yet is also simultaneously the easiest to break. Meanwhile, I am thinking about some changes that I believe can benefit society -- and trust me, I know a lot about society. Or maybe it`s Monopoly. Well, I know a lot about whatever it is that makes you pay an electric bill...My first change involves compliments people give to others that are not ... more »
  •  The first suspected case of angry chicken disease in the United States was reported Tuesday and threatens to devastate the country`s $98 billion chicken soup industry.A Holstein chicken from a farm in Manhattan was found to have the disease. The Upper West Side breed is known to have a short temper to begin with all chicken farms in the area were put on alert.The Agriculture Department assured that the infected parts of the chicken never made it to the chicken soup plant and that no other ... more »
  •  There is no denying that the sports business these days is awash in bright lights ...Quite often, though, the same can`t be said for the people or practices involved.The passage of time, the fading of origins and the constant superseding of slang can combine to cause some curious contemporary contexts.To start, have you ever really thought about how pedantic the word `quarterback` is? When the innovators who metamorphosed rugby into gridiron football were telling players where to stand, it... more »
  •  Well, recently I have gotten in with the really hip crowd and they are so cool. The first thing that happened is they gave me a nick-name; Dog. They say “Hey Dog What’s Up?” Then that is my cue to say; “Nutten, whaaaaz up wit u?” Pretty cool isn’t it. Now my old friends at the golf course do not understand how cool this is. And they have kicked me off the board at the corporation for this type of slang talk. At work they now sensor my emails, but all in all I am pretty happy w... more »
  •  Christmas Carols and Holiday Songs tend to exclude, marginalize and insult. Henceforth these songs will be re-written with new titles to avoid any real, imagined or perceived offense.The word Christmas is exclusive to Christians and must be removed. Since it cannot be replaced with the word "holiday" (Holy Day) we will replace it with the innocuous phrase, "day off.""We Wish You a Merry Christmas""We Wish You a Merry Non-Religious-Specific Day-Off in Winter."Noel is another word for Christ... more »
  •  Let’s face it reincarnation is a very interesting concept indeed. I was recently talking with a gentleman about how Re-incarnation is an interesting belief and he explained the Hindus belief and how everything works and what happens to us when we die. Another gentleman who was listening to our conversation at the coffee shop kept making faces as he listened to our talk. After the Hindu Scholar left he said to me;“Indeed and I suppose some one who is the creator, protector and the destr... more »
  •  It can now be revealed.They’re taking over the world. They’re living and working among us.The aliens of the Tranisiuc.This is no drill. This is the real McCoy. I’m telling the world in the hope we can do something before it’s too late.I saw this guy at the automatic outside bank teller tearing up his receipt into a hundred pieces. That’s how it started. I was suspicious. So I retrieved some of the pieces.It was in code.Written on the paper were the letters L R L R L R L R L R L R... more »
  • The Restaurant Drive-ThroughA Uniquely American CreationBy Gil StonebargerOnly in a country as unique as America, could you find something so revolutionary, so life changing, so uniquely original as the “ drive through”. The idea originated with the traditional “drive –in” restaurant.You remember those, A&W, Big Boys, Sonics and the like? As America’s love affair with the car has grown, so has the proliferation of the drive through. The concept expanded to drugstores, liquor stores a... more »
  •  Face it, potty humor and bathroom jokes make us all laugh becausethey poke fun at embarrassing experiences that all can appreciate.Everybody has glanced down with dismay into their undies at one point or another, only to be confronted with "the mark". As disgusting as it is, there`s not a person on the planet who doesn`t know what I`m talking about.Case in point, all through history, the greatest literary minds have woven this concept into their works:"God Save the Mark!" -- William Shakes... more »
  •  Have you ever got up and planned an important day only to find your hair will not cooperate at all? It just looks like crap? There is nothing you can do and everything you try makes it worse. So you just start all over and try it again? Still the same problem and the you look at the clock and say “oh well” I give up there is just nothing I can do, screw it. Yet in your mind you are worried because you do not look your best?Perhaps hair number 1823 is slightly out of place and it is jus... more »
About Jared Fiel
Daniel is a humor columnist (as well as a former reporter, former gas station attendant, former fast food worker and current public relations flack).
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